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Shifting the Focus: Reclaiming Ourselves Amid Trauma Bonding

"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance." - Oscar Wilde

Life often casts us into roles where we become caregivers, nurturers, and selfless providers for those we hold dear. As women, we often find ourselves naturally inclined to prioritize the needs and well-being of others. It's a beautiful quality, one that fosters love and connection. However, there's a fine line between selflessness and self-neglect.

In the journey of life, especially when navigating the challenging terrain of leaving a traumatic relationship, many of us experience a phenomenon known as "Trauma Bonding." This is a term often used to describe the intense emotional connection that develops between an individual and their abuser. It's a complex interplay of emotions, making it incredibly difficult to break free from the grip of such a toxic relationship.

Understanding Trauma Bonding

Trauma Bonding is a deeply psychological and emotional attachment that forms in abusive or manipulative relationships. It's a survival mechanism, a way our minds and hearts attempt to make sense of the turmoil we're experiencing. The abuser becomes the source of both pain and pleasure, creating a painful emotional rollercoaster that we can't seem to escape.

The result? We become hyper-focused on the needs, desires, and whims of our abuser, often at the expense of our own well-being. Our world narrows, and we forget who we are outside of this destructive relationship.

Shifting the Focus Back to Ourselves

Reclaiming our sense of self is a monumental task, but it's a journey worth embarking on. It begins with recognizing the need to shift our focus back to ourselves.

  1. Acknowledge Your Worth: The first step is acknowledging your intrinsic worth as an individual. You are more than the role you've been assigned in an abusive relationship. You are a unique, valuable person with dreams, aspirations, and strengths of your own.

  2. Prioritize Self-Care: Self-care isn't selfish; it's a necessity. Start small – take a few moments each day to do something that brings you joy, whether it's reading a book, taking a walk, or indulging in a hobby.

  3. Seek Support: Breaking free from a trauma bond is a challenging journey, and you don't have to walk it alone. Reach out to friends, family, or a professional therapist who can provide guidance and support.

  4. Rediscover Your Passions: Reconnect with the things you love. What were your hobbies and interests before the abusive relationship took over? Rediscovering these passions can help rebuild your sense of self.

  5. Set Boundaries: Learn to say no and set healthy boundaries. It's okay to prioritize your well-being and say no to things that drain your energy.


Shifting the focus back to ourselves is not an act of selfishness; it's an act of self-preservation and self-love. It's about recognizing that we deserve happiness, peace, and a life free from the shackles of trauma bonding. As women, we have an incredible capacity for love and care, but it's equally important to direct some of that love inward.

Remember, you are not defined by your past. Your journey to healing and self-discovery is a testament to your strength and resilience. Embrace it. The road ahead may be challenging, but it leads to a brighter, more authentic version of yourself.

Join me on this journey of self-discovery, self-care, and empowerment. Together, we can shift the focus back to where it truly belongs – on ourselves.

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